Learning To Say Yes To God and the Gifts That Follow

Sarah M. Whitman
Sarah.Whitman@drexelmed.edu

This story is a reflection on being led to undertake a task and the unexpected gifts that can follow when you say yes to God.

The Call

In our family, my husband is Jewish and I am Quaker. For our daughter's religious training, we have decided to do alternating years of religious education, one year of Jewish instruction alternating with her attending Quaker Meeting with me the following year. The 2006-2007 year was to be our daughter's Quaker year, so it was with great concern that I heard at the end of last summer that the middle school First Day School program at our Meeting was up in the air. If no one came forward to direct the program for middle schoolers, there was even concern that it might be eliminated.

The idea came to me of helping with the middle school, perhaps for a month or two. However, a spiritual practice I am learning to follow is to hold all decisions involving more than minimal time commitment in the Light before saying yes or no. There are many, many things which spark my interest, but I am learning to practice discernment to determine which of these I am called to do. To my surprise, instead of being led away from taking on any First Day School responsibility, over the following few weeks I felt guided to take on that role even more fully - to lead the middle school program, rather than help, and to do this for the whole school year.

I feel I am only in the beginning stages of learning discernment, but there were several clues I used to figure out what God's plan was for me. The idea of being involved with the middle school program returned to me repeatedly, and seemed to come to me, more so than my struggling intellectually over the pros and cons of the decision. I also had a growing sense of peace and excitement about doing the work, rather than increasing apprehension or concerns about it. The last clue that this was a leading struck me as somewhat funny, as if God had a teasing sense of humor. This clue was a sense of inevitability about the leading. It was a sense, deep-down, that I was called do this, but that God would be patient while I went through my human muddlings, until I accepted.

Insecurities

Despite a growing feeling that this was a leading, as I contemplated doing that work, it brought up insecurities for me. Do I know enough about Quakerism? Do I practice Quakerism well enough? Am I cool enough to work with middle schoolers?

As I took time to hold these concerns in the Light, I began to see more clearly the opportunities I had been given to prepare for this work. A few years ago, another Friend in our Meeting had worked with the middle school class for the whole year. I had enjoyed talking with him occasionally about his experiences from that year. I remembered being inspired by and thankful for his taking on such a big commitment for the young teens. Now I began to see how these conversations had also served to plant a seed to enable me to consider doing this task.

The most important preparation, however, was teaching in the younger First Day School last year under the guidance of Christie Duncan-Tessmer. (Christie is currently the PYM Children’s Religious Education Coordinator.) She demonstrated teaching in an exciting, and deeply spiritual and deeply respectful way. As I saw and experienced it, this teaching was based on 1) valuing experiential learning rather than just talking about Quakerism, 2) teaching the younger children how to center and listen for God's guidance, 3) teaching Quaker discernment by having them practice it, and 4) trusting in the discernment process enough to follow their leadings about topics and activities. During the section I helped teach, I had the sense of humbly serving as a facilitator to help the children uncover their own relationship with the Divine.

I felt in awe of the intricacies of God's plans when I looked back at the experiences I had had that enabled me to be prepared to accept this leading.

Several Friends in my Meeting voiced concerns about my being out of Meeting for Worship for a whole year, in terms of missing the spiritual nourishment that happens there. But I felt, very securely, that my worship for this year would be grounded in the middle school room.

After asking my Meeting to hold me in the Light as I undertook developing and teaching the middle school program, I stepped forward. This year so far has been a gift to me in unexpected ways.

The Gifts

During this year of teaching middle school, I have felt completely clear that I am called to do this work. This sense of clarity has been in contrast to other decisions in which the direction I was being called to take has been murkier. I have thus been enabled to put aside anxieties and to trust that, if I was being led to do this, I would be given the resources to do a good job.

During this year, I have had the experience of each lesson coming together easily - both which topics to teach as well as how to teach them so that they matter to middle schoolers. Each week, ideas have bubbled up, sometimes when I have been thinking about that week's lesson as well as spontaneously. I have felt that I am not developing these lessons, but rather that they are being given to me. I do feel that I need to consider the lesson and prepare, but that this happens in a light and easy way. (Manna from heaven had to be gathered up from the ground, but that nourishment, too, floated down freely.) Given that this is God's curriculum, I also feel that it is not up to me if it is "successful." I am responsible for the work, but the outcome is in God's hands. In accepting this guidance, I have felt what it is like to trust God more fully.

The most profound blessing I have received is a sense of continual connection with God. All week, I feel I am waiting upon God, remaining in connection with the Divine, and receiving messages from God. It is an open channel. What is all the more striking about this is that, over the last few years, I have been looking for ways to increase my sense of connection to God during the week. I have wanted to add spiritual practices, in addition to Sunday Meeting for Worship, that deepen my spiritual connection to God. I have tried mid-week Meeting for Worship with a few Friends, different types of meditation, and a spiritual companion's group, yet none of these has felt quite right. So in an unexpected calling, I have found an answer to a deep desire.

While I was unknowingly being prepared over the last few years so that this leading could grow and produce wonderful fruit, I also wonder if there was another crucial component. This was my wanting to ensure that my daughter had an opportunity to experience Quakerism and explore her own relationship with God. It was at the moment of being unsure if this would be available for my daughter that this leading first became known to me. Because my own deepening relationship with the Divine has been nurtured through Quakerism, I wanted to share with her that which is increasingly important to me.

ln wanting to ensure that my daughter had a chance to experience the power of a relationship with God through the middle school program, I ended up receiving that very experience myself